Golf On Mars Review

July 21, 2020
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When humans finally make it to Mars, we’ll have a lot to do. We’ll need learn how to survive on a planet without a reliable source of above-ground water, we’ll need to figure out how to deal with all of the demons, and we may even have to use our own feces to grow plants while watching Matt Damon mumble about it. But once all of those things are sorted, life on the big red planet will probably be pretty boring. We’ll need to find something to kill whatever time that isn’t spent mining the planet’s resources in the most unethical way, and what better way to kill the extra thirty-nine minutes that Mars has per day than to play golf?

Golf on Mars seeks to provide a glimpse into that not-so-near future by letting you play as one of the first golfers to explore Mars. The year is 2866 and the second-smallest planet in the galaxy has finally been terraformed enough to be able to play the Milky Way’s most enjoyable game to partake in while buzzed. Without any more introduction than that, you’re given the straightforward task of smacking as many balls into as many holes as you can until you’re bored.

Golf on Mars is as simple and straightforward as that. You press the left mouse, hold it while adjusting the angle and power of your shot and release it to send your ball flying. You’ll need to make sure to direct your shot properly to avoid rocks, and putting too much power behind your swing can send your ball flying into the next hole, but there’s nothing else you’ll need to worry about while smacking your balls through the game’s infinite number of just-difficult-enough par 3 holes.

Over the hills and not so far away...

This makes for a game that’s incredibly relaxing to play, something that’s made even better by the almost complete lack of noise on the planet. The only time you’ll hear anything in the game is when you hit your ball, when your ball lands and the brief ding of your points being totalled at the end of each hole. Although the lack of ambient sound and music is initially off-putting, it quickly becomes a welcome feature that allows you to determine if you want to be engaged in the game by putting Spotify’s Relaxing Music album on, or if you want to keep your headphones off in order to focus on something else.

This welcome simplicity extends to the game’s visuals as well. Mars is a big, red planet that many games have made into a dust-storm filled mess. However, in Golf on Mars, the planet is as graphically clean as can be. There aren’t many colours besides the ordinary reds and browns and there aren’t any over-the-top particle effects to get in the way of your golfing. You can marvel at the planet’s strange geography if you want, but like with the lack of noise, it’s not crucial to do so in order to have a good time.

I'm not very good at golf.

As a whole, then, Golf on Mars is a great game for anyone looking for something to play during their online-only classes or work from home sessions over the coming few months. With it’s simplistic visuals, barely-there audio and the expected addictiveness of a one-click game, it may not keep you keep you up at night thinking about its story, but it will give you something to look at while you’re “paying attention” to your professor/boss/mother-in-law on Skype.

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Golf on Mars is a fun, relaxing and addictive game that engages players just enough to not make them bored, but never forces them to dedicate more of their brain to it than can be expected of something that’s best suited to staying on their second screen.
Derek Johnson

Somebody once told me the world was going to roll me, and they were right. I love games that let me take good-looking screenshots and ones that make me depressed, so long as the game doesn't overstay its welcome.